At the Women’s weekend retreat in April 2026 we explored the joyful qualities of the heart, here are some reflections on this theme.

It’s a curious thing that when we are content, when we smile or laugh, when we’re pleased to see someone, we feel good. A whole set of physiological responses kick in quite innately that give us an agreeable bodily experience. The central nervous system regulates, turning the volume down on being alert or vigilant. And this in turn will influence our thoughts and actions. This is so true and so pleasurable that it leads many of us to pursue these feelings, and we could go so far as to become addicted to anything that will give us a hit of those lovely sensations even if they are short-lived and in essence will not satisfy our thirst. Perhaps all addictions including the need for ‘likes’ and attention on social media platforms are stemming from this.

We could say we are wired in a way that happiness feels good. Our bodies give us messages that lean us towards the agreeable : if we sit down somewhere we will naturally adjust the posture to what is most comfortable given the conditions. We don’t often realise this is happening because it is so innate, so it is a wonderful thing to notice. Our bodies have this incredible ability to adjust and adapt in order to be able to function as well as possible, even in difficult or limiting conditions. It goes that way.

In the context of our species as social beings, we also see how contagious these feelings can be. How do we feel when someone smiles at us ? The memory of a laughter yoga session in India many years ago can still make me smile or laugh today. Ever witnessed children giving presents to their friends at birthday parties, they are so delighted to see the happy expression of the receiver (regardless of the gift and who it’s from). There’s shared joy. We can appreciate that someone else’s happiness is also our own.

Within the Buddhist teaching this quality of heart, called “mudita” in the Pali language, is a response to seeing and meeting that which is going ok or well. It is those feelings and expressions of appreciation and gratitude, of gladness and contentment, of delight and joy, of wonder and awe. It is a recognition of good fortune and well-being, our own and others. When cultivated, this leads to a widening and deepening, the ‘what’s ok’ is valued and seen in the most taken-for-granted instances, and also in the midst of what might be quite challenging. The sensitivity to be touched by beauty is awakened.

Sounds great but it’s not always easy or available. We do well to enquire into the obstacles and blocks that prevent the flow of mudita. Here are a few of them, do any resonate with you ?

• We don’t see it even if it’s there. This is often due to the negativity bias, our focus gets more easily drawn and consumed by the things that are not ok and by what we are lacking. This can be exacerbated by ‘all or nothing’ thinking patterns = if one thing is wrong or lacking nothing can be ok. We may tend to minimise what’s going ok, brush it off as if it doesn’t really count. As we undervalue it, it doesn’t land.

• All kinds of conditioning! We will have received a certain education (implicit or not) in relation to joy & happiness. Is it ok to feel and express joy, and when exactly ? We may have been told to wipe a smile from our face, or that we must be serious in this world to get along, we may have grown up in an environment where we needed to inhibit these feelings to appease others, have we learnt that it is frivolous, indulgent, selfish, underserving or even sinful ? Maybe we believe joy doesn’t apply to us, we rule ourselves out. What’s our story?

• The predominant socio-economic model creates conditions that lead to distrust and feelings of lack – production, domination, competition, comparison, consumption (there are winners and losers where others’ gain is my loss). These can create blocks to feeling happy for others. So it’s common to feel envy and jealousy when things go well for others, as if it takes something away from us or highlights our lack. 

• We may have views like ‘how can I be joyful when there’s so much suffering in the world?’, an idea that there’s no place for happiness in a world that is hurting, or that it might look like we’re insensitive to the suffering or ignoring it somehow….

That we are uplifted and lightened when experiencing joy points to it’s great benefit as an inner resource that nourishes and replenishes our being. Has it ever happened to you that you’re feeling tired and low in energy, and then you do something you love and as if by magic you feel lively again? Joy can be a balancing factor to the tension and overwhelm that could come from acts of service and compassion. It is not intended to deny or avoid what’s difficult, rather it enables us to meet what is challenging with a bit more resiliency, capacity and perspective.

Like all the heart qualities, joy arises spontaneously, and can also be cultivated – and these work together in a feedback loop. And what if joy wasn’t dependant on external things going a certain way or having to get something, rather available in any moment when we are attuned to what is going well or OK in the here and now? We could find happiness and appreciation when we acknowledge the absence of discomfort. The not feeling anxious or depressed or agitated could be a reason to celebrate. To be well enough to practice yoga (or other body-movements) is a blessing that we can take for granted until we lose our good health. 

In any given situation we could look for the things we are grateful for, we could decide to see the good in people (including ourselves) and other forms of life, we could pause to acknowledge the things we take for granted – we could get blown away in awe by the miracle of a single breath….

All this is a great push-back to the conditioning of lack. It asks that we notice and give value to what is already here right now. It could be a process of making the invisible visible. What supports this ability to be receptive? What’s going to make it more likely that we stop to smell the roses? We will each have our own answers here. For me, it is helpful to slow down, choose where my attention is, give myself the permission to enjoy the joy…and hold it lightly. The mystic poets through the ages have glimpsed this….

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.” Hafiz

“He who kisses joy as it flies by will live in eternity’s sunrise.” William Blake

“Every day I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight, that leaves me like a needle in the haystack of light.” Mary Oliver