This poem & reflection piece is inspired by the women’s embodied presence retreat we had in June 2025.

A Good Friend

Imagine a friend
The kind that’s always there for you
No matter what
All life long

A friend that knows
instinctively what you need:
a rest, something to eat,
some fresh air perhaps?

A benevolent friend
who wants the best for you
and always points you
in the right direction

A friend who allows you
to be yourself
who celebrates your joys 
and mourns your losses

The friend whose love is so great
won’t hesitate to send a message
when they see you’re off balance
or in any danger

A friend that doesn’t lie
and would never put you down
but guide you, hold you,
heal you and release you

The kind of friend
that quietly and sometimes
in the background
keeps going without thanks

A friend that smiles
when you get back in touch
never annoyed 
for being forgotten 

Show me such a friend
That one who watches while you sleep
They’re closer than you think
this friend your body

I have spent many years exploring embodiment within myself and others. There’s the practice of becoming more sensitive and attuned to bodily life and sensations, we could say moving from the head back down into the body. Exploring the body from the body’s terms rather than through the filter of the mind (commentary & concept) which is the default in our society today. A key aspect in this process is when we start to acknowledge how we relate to the body, what are our ideas and assumptions about the body, how are we speaking to the body ? What we can find is a rather sad story of alienation and objectification – the body is that thing over there, not exactly me, and seems to “let us down”: it’s not as we’d like it, gets sick, is tired, changes with age (not in the ways we wish for) and eventually dies. And all this is never convenient: “I don’t have time to be sick now”, “I want to get rid of this ache, it’s so annoying”, “Where did that wrinkle come from?” etc. And so we might disregard and override the body messages: keep going when we need to rest, artificially stimulate energy when we need to recuperate, numb the pain or ignore the issues in a number of ways. If pain exists as a warning and serves to modify behaviour, what are the consequences of ignoring, pushing through or ‘killing’ the pain?

We may force the body and be highly demanding of it: insisting the body get better quick, pushing and controlling the body to become what we desire. We may also deny or bypass the body as unimportant in some way. To a great extent we tell the body what to do or not do, as if the mind (or someone else’s mind if we pick up information from others) has authority and our body isn’t to be trusted or listened to. It’s very risky when we give away our authority this way, relying on what someone says rather than how the body responds and feels. Down this path of disconnection we lose confidence and doubt sets in as we can no longer rely on bodily messages and instincts.

The way we relate to our bodies is fraught with conditioning. How has the industrial age & capitalism created a mechanistic and utilitarian view of the body? Do we compare the body to a car? How does our language highlight the relationship to body? In English, words such as column, cage and floor are all used for parts of the body that are animate and flexible. As the previous sentence attests, we have fragmented the body into “parts”, each needing an expert in case of malfunction. There are also gender issues here, the woman’s body has, in a number of traditions and times, been owned by somebody else. What are the implications of a body being perceived and treated as an object? This body belongs to who? How have we internalised these ideas? How about the focus on body-image, an external and visual evaluation of the self? When we identify with how the body looks (and our internal self-image of how the body looks) our sense of worth and value become caught up in this and often it’s to our detriment. What are the intentions of the so-called beauty industry – fuelling and cashing in on an obsession with an impossible standard of body-image? We could talk for a long while about the implications of body-image issues and how they affect mental health and society in general. Suffice to say the body cannot win in this game and will always be wrong: we will constantly see what is not ok, not enough, what is lacking – and we will not like that, maybe hate it or be disgusted by it. Ouch!

We live in a time when many people do not feel well – anxiety, depression and addictions are widespread, body-image issues are rife in the ‘unreal’ world of social media’s filtered and re-touched images, and crude judgements of likes and dislikes. I see the correlation between a society ill-at-ease and this estrangement to the body. If we don’t feel comfortable and at home in our skin as it is, how will we ever feel at ease? I also see a parallel between the way we tend to disregard the body and the way we have mistreated the environment, if the body is one element of our ecological environment what would it mean to treat it with care, sustainability and regeneration, and how would this play out in the wider field? Re-wilding the body is part of this ethos that sees the way we relate to ourselves internally and the way we relate to the natural world externally are inextricably connected.

We have to look carefully at our own intentions and those of the fitness, health and well-being industries and ask if we are feeding a relationship of dominance and dislike towards the body. Is this a form of violence that we have normalised? Questioning all this is important, as is the essential process of befriending the body, of coming back home, reclaiming that bodily authority. I am mindful that this may not be easy, and in the context of different kinds of traumatic experiences (that can rob the body of its sense of safety) the process may require time and guidance. It is my view that this process brings much benefit, healing and wellbeing; and for many it is nothing short of transformative and life-changing.

What kind of relationship would we like to have with this incredible, mind-blowing intelligence we call the body? When we begin to give value and respect back to the body and appreciate it as the friend it is, what happens then?

Some practical explorations

What happens when we perceive the body as best friend?

How do we react/respond when the body doesn’t feel well?

When and in which ways do we disregard the body messages?

Notice the tendency to “think/comment” about the body, in contrast to feeling bodily sensations

Notice the tendency to identify with body-image, and by whose standards are we measuring ourselves?

What conditioning have we had with regards the body?

Do we have any body-image disorders?

How do we feel in our skin?

Do we look outside ourselves for authority over our body?

How do we take care of the body?

What brings us into the body?

When do we feel well?

How does the body like to move?

What else?